


Tiny Grownup

by avidita



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Past Abuse, Past Underage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-25 03:52:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2607449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avidita/pseuds/avidita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joanna McCoy has to testify against her stepfather in an abuse case and has a minor breakdown. Jim Kirk talks to her, revealing more than he might have planned to do.</p><p>Another old fill for a <a href="http://st-xi-kink.livejournal.com/7586.html?thread=19004578#t19004578"> prompt of the st_xi_kink meme</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tiny Grownup

**Author's Note:**

> This has been beta-read thoroughly by pixelmayhem.livejournal.com. Thank you so much!

The door closed behind Uncle Jim, shutting out her Dad’s loud voice snarling at Mrs. Margaret, who had been assigned to Jo a while ago. She had been nice, really, and over time Jo had found it easier to talk to her. Maybe because she was so unlike Mum.

Uncle Jim had put his back against the door and blown off a funny sigh, grinning at her.

“Hey kid,” he said and came over to sprawl on the couch beside her, far away enough for her to still be comfortable. Although Uncle Jim was one of the few men that for Jo somehow weren’t men at all. 

Jo sighed now, too, and mumbled,  
“I blew it, didn’t I.”

“Naah, there’s going to be a second round, probably, but these people know what they’re dealing with.”

That didn’t sit quite right with Jo and she sank deeper into the cushions, her arms still folded.

“Oh yeah? What’s that!”

Uncle Jim gazed at her calmly and said,  
“An abused minor, is what.”

She wrinkled her nose and didn’t look at him.

He snagged some of the sweets from the bowl on the low table and popped them into his mouth. Outside a door was banged, both voices suddenly cut off.

“Oh great,” Uncle Jim grinned. “Blessed peace!”

She frowned deeply and rubbed one sneaker against the other. At least she’d talked Mum into letting her wear the comfy shoes. 

Uncle Jim cleared his throat and asked,  
“Listen, kid, I kinda really need to know... did anyone say anything mean to you or anything?”

She shook her head, still scowling.

“Sure? I mean, if somebody did, I kind of need to keep your Dad from killing them when he finds out.”

That unfairly called up a tiny smile, which was forced away instantly.

“Although...” Uncle Jim was still chewing and now scratched his head and looked to the ceiling, “I think I’d rather help him...”

“No one said anything, alright?” She hadn’t meant to say anything, it had just exploded out of her. “I hate this,” she grumbled.

Uncle Jim sighed heavily,  
“Yeah, me too. We all do, I think.”

“Especially Mum”, Jo hated herself sometimes. She couldn’t keep her damn mouth shut, which was exactly where all the problems had started.

Uncle Jim didn’t say anything for a moment, then he quietly said,  
“Yeah, her probably most of all. It must be hard to fight like this. I mean, of course she doesn’t want to believe all this, she loves the asshole, or at least thinks she does, right?”

Jo didn’t say anything, but she glanced at him. Dad had simply refused to say anything on the topic to her, and Mum had stopped asking her what Dad had told her to say, since Mrs. Margaret had ordered her to.

After a while she mumbled,  
“Mum loves me, too.”

“Yeah, that’s what’s making this so hard. If she didn’t she wouldn’t have to pretend like this. She could just say, ‘Yeah, whatever I don’t care.’”

Jo blinked and stared ahead at the windows. Uncle Jim grimaced and said,  
“Jesus, Jo, don’t eat the sweets, they’re probably from the dark ages or something.”

The silence that spread then was strangely nice. Uncle Jim was clearly comfy on his end of the couch, gazing at the nice view over most of the city that this office had.

Jo’s heart sped up a little and she asked,  
“So you believe that she loves me? Dad says... Dad said she’s ice-cold.”

Uncle Jim grimaced and asked,  
“He didn’t say that to you, did he? I don’t think you were supposed to hear that.”

Jo mumbled,  
“He was on the phone with you.”

“Yeah. See, kid, he needs to tell himself that, so it’s easier to stop loving your mom. You know they loved each other very much, right?”

Jo nodded, although she couldn’t really remember that and didn’t quite believe it.

“See, love is really hard. It makes everyone afraid to lose it again. Your dad loved your mom, but she refuses to let go of her love to the asshole. Shit, sorry, anyway, she refuses to let go, because nothing hurts more than losing someone you love. And even if you lose someone because they die or something... that’s hard alright, but there was true love, and the memory will stay with you forever, right?”

Jo nodded very slowly.

“Losing someone like your mom will, whether it’s today, next round, or whenever—that’s the worst, because she loves an illusion, kid. She doesn’t love the monster that touched you. She loves who she saw in him, maybe she even loved her own reflection in his eyes best...”

Uncle Jim was gazing outside, but Jo didn’t think he saw anything there anymore. She watched him without turning her head completely. 

He mumbled on,  
“So she refuses to let go, and because she just doesn’t believe you, and she’s your mum, right, you start doubting everything...”

Suddenly he turned his head to her again and asked,  
“Right?”

Jo nodded and had to look away. Her eyes started stinging again, but Jo was no cryer. She wouldn’t cry.

Uncle Jim inhaled deeply and told her quietly,  
“But it happened, Jo. It doesn’t mean your mom doesn’t love you, it’s in no way your fault, it means nothing but that there are some people out there who really shouldn’t walk this earth.”

It all made so much sense. But Jo really didn’t like what it said about Mum. 

So she growled,  
“And what the fuck would you know anyway.”

For a moment, silence reigned. Then Uncle Jim turned to the windows again. His voice started off calm and confident, but grew lower and smaller in the end.

“You know how my dad died, when I was just born? My mum loved him very much, and it screwed her up a bit. She couldn’t quite look at me, later, because it meant facing that loss. And the older I became, the more I looked like my dad, so...”

He took a deep breath and continued,  
“She married again, right? And the guy was the complete opposite of my father, in every way, but he adored her, and she kinda needed that, I guess. She was away a lot.”

He fell silent again, and Jo felt her neck grew hot. Half of her really regretted asking, the other half was hanging on every word.

“Yeah”, Uncle Jim mumbled. “The guy was an asshole, too. His name was Frank, stupid name, right? And he was a valued member of society, you know? Knew the sheriff and all, fucking bowling club...”

He swallowed again and suddenly Jo imagined that, Carl being friends with a sheriff.

Uncle Jim swallowed again, two times in a row, and Jo knew exactly how that felt. 

She whispered,  
“There’s a toilet that way around the corner,” and pointed to the far end of the room. 

He nodded without looking at her and whispered back,  
“I might need to run there in a moment, yeah.”

She sat up a bit straighter and took one of the smaller cushions to press against her belly. She didn’t stare at him, but she glanced all the same. He took a deep breath and threw her a small smile.

“Better now”, he mumbled. Then he said, “See, I never told anyone but my mother. If he hadn’t died a while ago, he would still be in Iowa. I should’ve... I should have stood up not only for myself, but also for all the other kids in the city. I’ll never know if he did anything else after he’d stopped with me.”

She glared out of the window. Oh, she knew about stuff like that, her mum was a magician when it came to speaking a certain way to get her to do something. And of course Uncle Jim wanted her to go talk to the law people again.

Uncle Jim was looking at his own hands, and his voice was raspy.

“He cheated on Mum with a woman, later, so maybe he hadn’t, but maybe... and you know, the really bad thing wasn’t even the touching,“ he swallowed hard at that. “It was what he said when he did it. And after. I can still hear his voice, and it is so fucking hard not to believe every word...”

For a long, tense moment neither said anything. 

Then Jo whispered,  
“What did he say?”

“Useless,” Uncle Jim whispered. “Good for nothing but for, well, you know. Born for it, he said. Asking for it. So rotten that nobody would believe me anyway. So bad not even mum could love me.”

Suddenly he stood up and croaked,  
“Sorry, be right back,” and ran to the loo.

Jo pressed the cushion against herself and debated if she should follow him, give him a glass of water, touch his hair gently, like Mrs. Margaret had done. 

That was a new thought.

Maybe Mrs. Margaret had had an asshole in her childhood, too.  
It was shifting her whole world.

No, Mum was not always right, neither was Dad. Some assholes walked around with sheriffs as bowling friends, and nobody knew they were monsters. 

Some grownups were still just as tiny inside as she was.

And Dad always told her how strong she was, how smart and ahead of other kids her age. She threw the cushion aside and ran lightly to the loo. The door was open but she knocked anyway. 

She hadn’t heard Uncle Jim retch, but she could still smell it a little, although the window was open. He was drinking tap water and spitting into the basin.

When she knocked he turned to her, smiling a little.  
“Hey kid. Sorry if I scared you, really.”

She nodded seriously, folded her arms again, tapped her foot impatiently and said,  
“Really Uncle Jim, what were you thinking eating those sweets? They looked bad from the beginning, dammit!”

She didn’t quite know what made him laugh so hard, but when she heard Dad clearing his throat in the room behind them, she went in there and hugged him.

Dad had been reluctant to gather her up in his arms for a while, which had made everything worse. She still was a little self conscious to be lifted up and to kind of straddle him, but Mrs. Margaret had said that she should do anything she wanted to, as long as it didn’t hurt anybody else. 

Dad kissed her on the top of her head, but he was staring in the direction of the loo. 

Jo pressed her nose against his hard chest and whispered,  
“He threw up, but he’s a little better now.”

Something shivered through Dad’s whole frame, but he just nodded and whispered back,  
“Thanks. You’re such a brave girl, aren’t you.”

She nodded again, although she really wasn’t sure about that.

But then she could hear herself say,  
“Listen, Dad, we really need to get this asshole off the street, right? Can you... can you ask them if I might try again?”

She would just not look at Mum the whole time. Either Mum would be strong enough to let go of Carl afterwards, or not, but that had nothing to do with Jo or with how much Mum loved her. What had Uncle Jim said? Loving Jo was what made this a fight for Mum.

He could hear Dad desperately clearing his throat and then croaking,  
“Sure kid. You really want to? It’s all right if you can’t, you know?”

“I know. I have to.”

She glanced up and he smiled at her with so much pride.

Uncle Jim came back and said,  
“Oh, Bones! You’re back! Done already?”

“Yeah, didn’t take long.”

Something was really bothering Dad, but Jo had more important stuff to do.

“Can we do this now?” she asked.

Uncle Jim was laughing again, and Dad grinned,  
“Yeah, let’s go.”

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://fanfuchs.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
